Not so Different
by sparklygirl22
Summary: At the Landsmeet, Elissa Cousland confronts her demons and comes to terms with herself, and Loghain, and in the process reflects on her life so far.


**{While playing through the Human Noble's route, this idea came to me. Please review~!} **

**Not so Different**

It seemed to Elissa Cousland, that the Landsmeet was strangely hushed at that moment. Almost as if the people assembled there were all waiting patiently on baited breath, waiting to see what she would do. Kneeled before her, the man gazed up his face void of all emotion, he accepted the fate she was about to bestow him, he understood that it must be done. Out of the corner of her eye, Elissa could see Anora. The woman appeared to be sobbing quite uncontrollably, screaming in fury and being held back by two guards. Yet, the woman's cry's seemed almost like a distant echo, her figure nothing more than a far off mirage.

This man, this Loghain Mac Tir, he had taken everything that had remained away from her. He had destroyed the Grey Wardens, killed Ferelden's King, had murdered multiple people and destroyed many families. He had even sent an assassin to end her life. This being so, why did she falter? The sword in her hand, the sword pressed against his neck, why did it sway ever so slightly?

She had every reason to hate this man, and even more so to kill him. Staring at him, she wanted to retch; his very existence seemed a grotesque sin to humanity.

'_You'll become just like Howe.' _

Once the thought entered her brain, it seemed to spread its cold and sticky embrace until it seemed to fill her mind completely. There were a great many difference between what Howe had done to her family and what she was about to do to Loghain.

Howe had been her family's friend for many years, he had been caring and respectful, seeming to do only what was in the best interest for the Cousland's. Yet even so, Howe had murdered most of her family in their beds. It was only by sheer luck that she had been able to survive and seek revenge.

Throughout her journey, Elissa had been consumed by revenge. Every moment, every tiny sliver of time she had not focused on other problems, her mind had been counting the days until they would meet again. Howe had taken her family away from her, he had ruined her life. When the act finally came to plunge her family's sword into him, she had been filled with nothing but justice. Now that it was over though, were her and Howe so different?

Ever since he was a boy, Howe had hidden away a very secret feeling of complete contempt for the Cousland's. In his mind's eye, they had been keeping his family from achieving greatness. He had only been playing the part of a valued confidante in order to gain their trusts so this evil scheme could come into action. How many years had he thought about his revenge? She wondered. How many sleepless nights had he sat at his desk pondering the perfect way? Letting his hate fester and consume him until nothing remained but a husk of a person. Had Loghain not done the same thing? If so, why couldn't she kill him?

'_You'll become just like Howe.' _

Those words, what did they mean? Glancing back at Anora, a memory came to Elissa, a memory of a young woman crying over the death of her parents, a young woman who spent countless nights plotting her revenge on the man who had taken them away from her… With a heavy sigh, Elissa lowered her sword.

"I'm sorry." The words were out of her mouth before she could comprehend there meaning, yet as the words settle in the air around her, the meaning took shape.

It was for what she had almost done, it was for every ounce of malice left in her body, it was to her parents, it was to the man who kneeled at her feet, to who she had become. Cries of dismayed watchers filled her ears as the veil that had fallen over her vanished. Many were pointing accusing fingers, screaming their disdain for what she had failed to do. Yet, it was none of these bodies that held her attention, nor was it even the young woman who gazed in complete shock at her. It was the man behind, who as she turned to look at him, widened his eyes in horror.

"Alistair…I can't."

Alistair, when was it that she had fallen in love with him? When was it that she had been able to set her hate down for a moment to see the wonderful person besides her? Thought out her journey, from the very beginning, Alistair had been there. Supporting her, confiding in her, laughing with her, loving her…Yet, the way he looked at her now, it seemed almost like a stranger had taken his place. Where were the laughing eyes and that cocky smile she had grown to love? Perhaps, they were never there to begin with, or perhaps they would never return.

"Fine then Elissa...Let me do it then."

She shook her head, a single tear falling from her eyes as she placed a protective arm between Loghain and himself.

"I can't let you do that. By the Right of Conscription I accept him into the Grey Wardens. You can't touch him Alistair."

At her words, the Assembly fell into a deathly hush. Alistair's lips twisted, his skin turning a sickly shade of white.

"You…You're joking right? Please…This isn't funny!"

When she made no response, a bitter laugh escaped his lips.

"You…After everything we've been through, after everything that's happened, you're just going to throw it all away for what? This murderer? This traitor that killed Duncan and destroyed the only family I had in the world?"

"Alistair…I'm sorry."

"Is that all you have to say? '_I'm sorry'_? You…I don't even know you anymore."

With one last disgusted look at the man he had termed 'murderer', the young man turned and made his way out of the Assembly. Where he has headed, Elissa could only fandom. But deep in her heart, she knew she had made the right decision. Even if in the process she had lost the only man she had ever, and would ever love.


End file.
